Archive for the ‘Tarbiyyah’ Category

Grettings, yall¬†ūüėĬ† i ¬†was going to post about Eid¬†celebrations and gifts but I would like to quickly ask this and leave some words of remembrance for myself. I don’t know about anyone else, but my blog helps me ponder issues and problems¬†when I write but more importantly, remember lessons in education or parenting I learned! It’s a record i can refer back to, a benefit and reminder, especially when someone posts a comment.

Forgive the simplicity of this post, perhaps I will elaborate more later. Answer the question: what is your role as a mother? I did a similar post about this, what are your goals of educating your children and this question is not really different, rather it is more comprehensive. Educating, training, and teaching our children is definitely interlinked with our role as a mother.

When I came across this question not only did it make me think, but what created more contemplation and realization was someone¬†else’s¬†comment.¬†When this question was asked, a sister responded:

As the mother of a girl I saw and see my responsibility to instill high values of womanhood and humanity within her. Make sure she grows up as physically and psychologically healthy as possible. Give her the best knowledge of life and the world I can. And try to get her as educated with marketable work force skills as possible. And as well try to earn a living that leaves her with some kind of inheritance.

Al hamdulilah. I thought to myself, those are all true and lofty aspirations for raising a daughter. The last statement struck me though, because i immediately thought, well, not just about working and supporting herself, but what about marriage? Not only is it part of our religion, it is a proven biological drive as well as human nature to seek out a significant other, a partner for this life. As Allah says in His book:

< And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.> 30:21

Libas [ garments, i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her Рas in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabari], for you and you are the same for them.> 2:187


This was my response:

“Reading all¬†the sister¬†said, ¬†i’m in agreement, however, lastly, we must make sure she marries a man who fears Allah and can take care of her.

I feel my role as a mother is to protect her from her own whims, educate her in Islam, to know her Lord and worship him and yes, as M. said, raise her healthy and compassionate. Girls are a challenge! It’s a balancing act with their self esteem¬†and image¬†and correcting them. Oh! Protect them from the portrayal of women in the media AND the illusion of happily ever after (it’s not¬†just about falling in love, marriage is hard work, but it IS a way into Jannah!)

Allah is the Provider, in this society it is important to have marketable skills but what gives us happiness¬†is not a career or money it is personal, fulfilling relationships, fulfilling our role (as a husband, wife, mother, daughter or sister) and correct knowledge of our Creator and practice of our deen. ALSO, i¬†realized not too far in the future she would be getting married and i didn’t want the poor brother coming to me asking what was wrong with her, lol ¬†(Because for years i waited on her and it made her lazy and not respectful). So i started not just assigning chores but teaching life skills, how to take care of herself, her hygiene, her home, and help with her siblings. Al hamdulilah she loves to cook and bake, learning all things related to it, so THAT opens up the door for fractions and science ūüėČ two subjects she wasn’t fond of before.

When i¬†realized that i¬†also realized the same with my son. I had to raise HIM to be a good husband and father in addition to knowing Allah and his responsibilities. So, he learns how to cook, clean his room and bathroom, take on more responsibility as he gets older, and not try to remove his sister’s scarf when they argue in public! lol. Loyalty and protection towards his family. In essence: teach my son how the prophet, salla¬†lahu¬†alahi¬†wa salam was.

I feel good doing things for others, but it can create problems. We need to make sure we are not fulfilling cultural gender roles and ignoring the sunnah. The prophet, salla lahu alahi wa salam, did not depend on his wives constantly to bring him food or cook. He cooked, mended his own clothes and was compassionate but firm.

In retrospect, Rasulullah’s example IS the ideal example not just for my son but as well as for my daughter however where I failed was thinking doing everything for my kids was being a good mother; after all, that’s how MY mother was. However, i was an only child. I also realize I didn’t truly appreciate my mom until i had kids. I was selfish and even at the age of twenty, I still could not feel gratitude in my chest. I blamed my problems on my family upbringing, my parents and what I thought were their failures. No doubt I had a dysfunctional family but my mother was practically a saint. She wasn’t perfect and had to deal with her own hardships but she was very sacrificing and loved me unconditionally. I was a difficult, ungrateful, self-absorbed teen even till my early twenties. It wasn’t just having kids that made me appreciate her, it was becoming Muslim and learning to respect and value her. All praise is to God.

I do realize now that cleaning my daughter’s room for her and not assigning any chores or expecting anything from her except her studies made her selfish and ungrateful. Had i raised her from an early age with the Prophet’s sunnah in mind, how he didn’t depend on his wives or others, would have created in her the understanding that she is part of a household that must work together, and give her better abilities earlier and independence. My mind was always on “at the age of ten she has to pray and will be asked” when I should’ve trained her from the age of seven, as according to the hadith. Al hamdulilah though, we cannot say “if” in Islam. What’s important is that i realized the error of doing everything for her and not insisting she contribute by helping around the house and doing chores. I lacked consistency but now I’m more focused.


This was a great question and could be a good thread! It helps to clarify your intentions and goals when asked,  al hamdulilah.

So what do you think your role is as a mother and after reading these two responses, what do YOU think in response to them and from your own experience?

As I returned to editing this, understood the sister’s comment of raising her daughter to ‘high values of womanhood’ includes motherhood, marriage, raising children, taking care of your home. However, that is MY interpretation of her statement, what do other women, think is the value of womanhood and more importantly, what does our Lord say about it and what was the example of the Prophet’s wives?*

May Allah reward you for your thoughts and comments and guide us to raise healthy families, who are a benefit to society and have righteous children who will pray for us when we are gone.

salla lahu alahi wa salam wa radi Allahu anhumma


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Ten Tips of Parenthood

I like this simple list and it’s in acronym form, easy to remember. It is written by Aisha Al-Hajjar, mother of eight home-schooled children and certified Bradley Method childbirth educator and labor doula.

>>>PARENTHOOD comes with a never-ending ‚Äúto do‚ÄĚ list.¬† In fact, I could probably keep this Parenting column running indefinitely, just discussing the obligations and duties that come with the job.

But this week I‚Äôd like to keep it light.¬† So I‚Äôve used the word ‚ÄúPARENTHOOD‚ÄĚ as an acronym for ten simple tips.



RAY for your children.

Remembering to pray for your children is probably the most powerful tip of all.  Allah is our sustainer and we should turn to HIM for all things.  Pray for their health, their happiness, their safety, their peace…I could go on indefinitely.  Possibly the most profound is to be thankful in prayer for the privilege of having them.



CCEPT them for who they are.

Your child is not a mini-you.  They have their own personality, experiences, thoughts, and desires.  You cannot live your own unfulfilled goals and dreams through them.  Value and accept them for who they are and remember, too, that they are growing up in a different era than you.



AISE them in a loving environment.

Within a loving home there is peace and tranquility.  Stable surroundings make for confident and successful people.  Show your child kindness and love; for a child who is raised with these in the home is less vulnerable to the evils of the street.




Each of us has special gifts of skill and talent.  Like us, our children also have their own interests and desires.  Support your child with love and encouragement to fine tune their gifts and follow their dreams.



OTICE their achievements.

Each day is full of achievements, big and small.  An important step to positive parenting is focusing on the good things your child does along the way.  Parents foster good behaviors by taking notice of them.  In this way, they reinforce what is desirable of the child and that which is undesirable naturally diminishes as they seek your praise.



EACH them.

Perhaps a parents biggest responsibility is to educate their children.  This includes providing a venue for their academic studies, be it formal school or lessons at home.  But don’t forget to also teach by example.  Some of the best lessons are those of love, mercy, and forgiveness.



EAR them speak.

Truly stop and listen when your child speaks.  Multitasking may be a great way to get things done, but it doesn’t apply to validating your children’s importance in your life.  When a child feels heard at home, he feels respected, important, and loved.  This can equally apply to your spouse!



PEN your arms to them.

A child should feel welcomed and loved.  Physical contact is an important aspect of intimate human relations.  Babies and young children are especially in need of physical affection, such as cuddling and hugs.  But don’t discount this need as the child grows.  The amount of physical closeness will naturally wane as they mature, but even a teenager benefits from a parent’s embrace.



FFER the world to them.

Don’t allow your personal experiences to limit your child.  Many great people have come out of homes of ignorance and poverty.  The future should be wide open for them and they should be offered the opportunity to explore their world and allowed to reach for the sky.



ISCIPLINE for the future.

Discipline should be aimed at training for the future.  It is not about punishment or scolding.  The ultimate goal should be self-discipline, with which the child can be trusted to make the right decisions for himself.

Each of these tips could be the focus of an entire post.  In fact, some of them have been topics of previous articles in this Parenting column.  Remember that parenting is unique to each child.  There are no templates that can be universally applied to the task.  But these ten tips surely apply to all.

©2011 aisha_alhajjar@yahoo.com, All Rights Reserved 


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This is just a quick update that a favorite writer of mine Lisa Russell, has moved her site. Apparently, twice :p

You will recall her from the article I so blatantly¬†stole (er…borrowed?) about the dreaded home school, unschooling¬†topic…drum roll please….”Socialized” To be more accurate, the post was titled, “EVERYONE MUST READ THIS” caps¬†mine, and went on to HER title, “No thank you we don’t believe in Socialization” which to be honest, i¬†got off the¬†San Antonio homeschool¬†website that i have located somewhere.¬†One of the funniest things Lisa ever said was something like, “as if only a dot stood between me and organized…ugg¬†im getting that wrong. Lisa, please correct me if you will…¬† ūüėĬ† ¬†i’ve¬†had three hours of sleep and carschooled all day so please oblige meee…lol

*that reminds me, GOSH I WISH I”D been able to attend the unschooling¬†conference, ugg that burned me!* I wanted to have a henna booth for the parents and facepaint¬†the kids! and meet cool people from all over the US like me…i meant ppl like me, not cool (embarrassed)

ANYWAY, she was here: http://mrshannigan.wordpress.com/¬†¬† then she went here: http://www.lisarussell.org/blog and¬† http://lisarussell.org /¬†¬† finally (though not promised ūüôā and the road is paved and long, ¬†excuse the pun} she arrived …yaayyy here : http://www.gypsymom.com/¬† Join her for her family’s new voyage unschooling, writing, learning all the time (our motto) having fun, being together and loving…in a small RV…driving cross country to the …unknown..whooooo. lol. Seriously. Go view it i¬†swear you won’t regret it. She is funky, fun, insightful, disorganized (like me) and …has the¬†most wonderful outlook, maa¬†shaa¬†Allah. I love her new post already about¬†El Paso, Texas. Awesome. Really, i¬†can’t think of another word besides that: awesome. Al hamdulilah. I have quoted her more times than I can count on my fb. (Shhh…it’s a secret)

If we all applied the Golden rule there would be no problems¬†on this earth¬†wa Allahu¬†Alim. Similar is¬†the Prophet Muhammad’s saying, “None of you is a believer until he wants for¬†his brother what he wants for himself” ¬†

The media and common (sorry) ignorant folk would have you believe Muslims are not tolerant that is NOT the case. I could go on and on but it’s midnight. Please a sis post daleel¬†(evidence) for what i¬†am saying I will inshAllah come back to this and edit the evidence.

Here it is again, to avoid confusion: www.gypsymom.com¬†I listed the sites above not just my wacky humor ( i been called crazy, zany, hippy and gypsy in my life)and hyper…

but as well because there is still much benefit in her old sites. However make sure you visit her newest site first, it rocks!

First five sisters to check out her site get a free massage¬†with aromatherapy¬†with my signature Enlightened Touch products! Don’t worry if you live in SA the offer is still valid, i¬†am traveling there soon inshAllah, massage table in tow!


Check out http://www.care2.com/¬† Largest site about living natural, newest discoveries in health and fitness, creating change, signing petitions and for animal lovers! And awesome site with the best weekly newsletter I’ve ever seen!

Also www.healthymuslim.com

Well, i guess thats it, shew! Did i spell that right? night! (Yes, sometimes i think in rhyme)

Wanna see my poetry? It’s under my notes.¬†Add me here: http://facebook.com/leslie.eisenman

And my fb business page is much more up to date with health and helpful links for the Muslimah¬†or anyone, maa¬†shaAllah¬†really…it also will have recent pictures of the massage room in my home. For those of you who don’t know, I am a licensed massage therapist. I also have a group one health and life insurance license in the state of Texas i¬†passed the test when I was 19 al hamdulilah. The youngest one in the history of West Telemarketing. Don’t even get me started on¬†that company!¬†Everyone in San Antonio knows that! http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Heaven-and-Earth-Bodywork/173365312449?sk=info¬†I went to ACC in Austin, Texas where I completed Medical Assisting.¬†¬†Two¬†years later my dream was realized when I graduated St. Phillip’s college in San Antonio. I received my certificate in Massage Therapy and passed the state of Texas exam shortly thereafter. On the first¬†try.¬†With flying colors. Did i mention I passed on the first try? lol¬†¬†¬†I love shiatsu, aromatherapy¬†and am experienced in many other modalities, check out my website the freewebs one describes services and my mission for women of the world!

G’night¬†facebook! oops i¬†meant ..err¬† wordpressers?


Assalamou alaikom wa rahmatullah thanks so much for your kindness and visiting my site . JazakAllah khair.

*DOES  N*E*body know how to get wordpress to stop underlining homeschooling and unschooling? I like spelling it that way.

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It’s been too long and i¬†am sorry for that. My only excuse is i¬†have been living¬†life subhanAllah and since the end of Ramadan life has just been happening¬†to me but now i am determined to take it by the horns, so to speak lol.

I think this “downer” period for lack of sleep and i¬†can’t think of another more suitable word, after the renewal and revival of Ramadan, is common. There are many articles, lectures and videos about it inshAllah¬†I will add them soon i¬†finally found this short list I saved¬†in my computer that I have wanted¬†to post for a while.

When I write or copy anything i¬†usually cite the author, blog, website or other source but there is no record of where it came from, I’m sorry. If anyone knows where i¬†got the list¬†below from online please let me know so i¬†can give proper credit.¬†I do remember I found it online not from a book I own or I have read.

In general it is important to cite references not just to verify where you got your information from so it can be checked but it is of utmost importance to be careful who and where you take your information and knowledge from! The most beautiful of speech or valid argument appealing to your common sense may sound good but in fact, be wrong! Just because it sounds good does not mean it is correct and does not mean it will not influence you negatively leading you to other than the siraatul mustaqeem, the straight path.

In saying this, i¬†know I have sites on here as links and resources but of course they are not all run by Muslims, some have advertisements perhaps irrelevant, innapropriate¬†or having¬†other issues. We don’t take our Aqeedah¬†from such places but as parents and adults we can get many ideas and tips however everything should be weighed against and compared to the sunnah because the sunnah is superior and complete. It actually answers everything from sex ed to parenting to even psychology but the athaar¬†and hadeeth are vast¬†with limited books of ilm translated into English.

This short list is by Imam al Ghazaali¬†who perhaps many have heard of but don’t know all of his biography. I present this here because of its fine¬†advise¬†but as well inspired by his lifelong learning but particularly¬†his end. To¬†learned scholars and in certain circles the truth of his Aqeedah¬†and other issues was known however before he died, may Allah be pleased with him, he wrote more and rectified matters although it is a shame these final publications by him are not circulated as much as his earlier works.

Imam Al-Ghazaali drew up this list of the aims of an Islamic education.

1- To teach them the Qur’an, the biography of the Prophets and Messengers and Shari’ ah.

2- To teach them to obey their parents and respect their teachers and their elders.

3- To keep them away from bad company because behaviour and manners are transferred by imitation.

4- To praise and reward them publicly if they perform a good deed. However, if they commit an evil deed, they should be reprimanded in private, and not scolded publicly, especially, in front of their friends. They should also be used to modesty.

5- To get them used to endurance and patience.

6- To get them used to a rough life and not a life of ease and comfort.

7- To be prevented from insulting, swearing and idle talk.

8- To be warned against wrongdoing and sins, such as theft, disloyalty, obscene language and unlawful earnings.

9- To be allowed to practice some physical education, but only after completing Islamic duties and education.

10-To fully care for and educate children from birth, as their souls are still pure and fresh, because everything that is taught to a child is engraved in his mind, be it good or bad.

I ask Allah to grant us righteous offspring.

SubhannAllah what a reminder this has been for me and the reminder is for the believers.


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