Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Reminders’ Category

Grettings, yall¬†ūüėĬ† i ¬†was going to post about Eid¬†celebrations and gifts but I would like to quickly ask this and leave some words of remembrance for myself. I don’t know about anyone else, but my blog helps me ponder issues and problems¬†when I write but more importantly, remember lessons in education or parenting I learned! It’s a record i can refer back to, a benefit and reminder, especially when someone posts a comment.

Forgive the simplicity of this post, perhaps I will elaborate more later. Answer the question: what is your role as a mother? I did a similar post about this, what are your goals of educating your children and this question is not really different, rather it is more comprehensive. Educating, training, and teaching our children is definitely interlinked with our role as a mother.

When I came across this question not only did it make me think, but what created more contemplation and realization was someone¬†else’s¬†comment.¬†When this question was asked, a sister responded:

As the mother of a girl I saw and see my responsibility to instill high values of womanhood and humanity within her. Make sure she grows up as physically and psychologically healthy as possible. Give her the best knowledge of life and the world I can. And try to get her as educated with marketable work force skills as possible. And as well try to earn a living that leaves her with some kind of inheritance.

Al hamdulilah. I thought to myself, those are all true and lofty aspirations for raising a daughter. The last statement struck me though, because i immediately thought, well, not just about working and supporting herself, but what about marriage? Not only is it part of our religion, it is a proven biological drive as well as human nature to seek out a significant other, a partner for this life. As Allah says in His book:

< And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.> 30:21

Libas [ garments, i.e. body cover, or screen, or Sakan, (i.e. you enjoy the pleasure of living with her Рas in Verse 7:189) Tafsir At-Tabari], for you and you are the same for them.> 2:187

 

This was my response:

“Reading all¬†the sister¬†said, ¬†i’m in agreement, however, lastly, we must make sure she marries a man who fears Allah and can take care of her.

I feel my role as a mother is to protect her from her own whims, educate her in Islam, to know her Lord and worship him and yes, as M. said, raise her healthy and compassionate. Girls are a challenge! It’s a balancing act with their self esteem¬†and image¬†and correcting them. Oh! Protect them from the portrayal of women in the media AND the illusion of happily ever after (it’s not¬†just about falling in love, marriage is hard work, but it IS a way into Jannah!)

Allah is the Provider, in this society it is important to have marketable skills but what gives us happiness¬†is not a career or money it is personal, fulfilling relationships, fulfilling our role (as a husband, wife, mother, daughter or sister) and correct knowledge of our Creator and practice of our deen. ALSO, i¬†realized not too far in the future she would be getting married and i didn’t want the poor brother coming to me asking what was wrong with her, lol ¬†(Because for years i waited on her and it made her lazy and not respectful). So i started not just assigning chores but teaching life skills, how to take care of herself, her hygiene, her home, and help with her siblings. Al hamdulilah she loves to cook and bake, learning all things related to it, so THAT opens up the door for fractions and science ūüėČ two subjects she wasn’t fond of before.

When i¬†realized that i¬†also realized the same with my son. I had to raise HIM to be a good husband and father in addition to knowing Allah and his responsibilities. So, he learns how to cook, clean his room and bathroom, take on more responsibility as he gets older, and not try to remove his sister’s scarf when they argue in public! lol. Loyalty and protection towards his family. In essence: teach my son how the prophet, salla¬†lahu¬†alahi¬†wa salam was.

I feel good doing things for others, but it can create problems. We need to make sure we are not fulfilling cultural gender roles and ignoring the sunnah. The prophet, salla lahu alahi wa salam, did not depend on his wives constantly to bring him food or cook. He cooked, mended his own clothes and was compassionate but firm.

In retrospect, Rasulullah’s example IS the ideal example not just for my son but as well as for my daughter however where I failed was thinking doing everything for my kids was being a good mother; after all, that’s how MY mother was. However, i was an only child. I also realize I didn’t truly appreciate my mom until i had kids. I was selfish and even at the age of twenty, I still could not feel gratitude in my chest. I blamed my problems on my family upbringing, my parents and what I thought were their failures. No doubt I had a dysfunctional family but my mother was practically a saint. She wasn’t perfect and had to deal with her own hardships but she was very sacrificing and loved me unconditionally. I was a difficult, ungrateful, self-absorbed teen even till my early twenties. It wasn’t just having kids that made me appreciate her, it was becoming Muslim and learning to respect and value her. All praise is to God.

I do realize now that cleaning my daughter’s room for her and not assigning any chores or expecting anything from her except her studies made her selfish and ungrateful. Had i raised her from an early age with the Prophet’s sunnah in mind, how he didn’t depend on his wives or others, would have created in her the understanding that she is part of a household that must work together, and give her better abilities earlier and independence. My mind was always on “at the age of ten she has to pray and will be asked” when I should’ve trained her from the age of seven, as according to the hadith. Al hamdulilah though, we cannot say “if” in Islam. What’s important is that i realized the error of doing everything for her and not insisting she contribute by helping around the house and doing chores. I lacked consistency but now I’m more focused.

 

This was a great question and could be a good thread! It helps to clarify your intentions and goals when asked,  al hamdulilah.

So what do you think your role is as a mother and after reading these two responses, what do YOU think in response to them and from your own experience?

As I returned to editing this, understood the sister’s comment of raising her daughter to ‘high values of womanhood’ includes motherhood, marriage, raising children, taking care of your home. However, that is MY interpretation of her statement, what do other women, think is the value of womanhood and more importantly, what does our Lord say about it and what was the example of the Prophet’s wives?*

May Allah reward you for your thoughts and comments and guide us to raise healthy families, who are a benefit to society and have righteous children who will pray for us when we are gone.

salla lahu alahi wa salam wa radi Allahu anhumma

Read Full Post »

Assalamou alaikom wa rahmatullah Peace and Mercy to the rightly guided, a quick link to post and inshAllah i will be back to update ūüôā Thank you for your patience, we have been really busy since Dd age 12 now, decided to “quit school” She wanted to homeschool and All praise is due to Allah alone. She said they weren’t mean to her or anything (she is the only hijaabi at her school though there are many Muslim children there al hamdulilah) but that she didn’t like how they behaved and they were cruel to each other. I used to say to her I knew she wasn’t ready for middle school because the children become very cruel then and everything is about clothes, popularity and whether you have a boyfriend. There is also a lot of bullying and now, drugs. So I am glad she came to this decision. Georgia Cyber Academy, the school her brother is in is full and not taking students till next year so for now we will begin once again with all the books I own and loosely following the Well Trained Mind, inshAllah. I also ordered her k12 Math and Latin and we should get it on Tuesday. We are so excited and she said when UPS comes SHE will get the package and SHE will unpack it and store it in her room, NOT me! Getting mail and packages at our house is like Christmas. Lol, so to speak. AstagfurAllah :p

http://abukhalilah.multiply.com/journal/item/197

***UPDATE*** Sadly, multiply blogging has been closed, only the seller’s portion available for Asia remains. Multiply published the best blogs I have ever seen from sisters and brother with vastly beneficial knowledge and information I had not seen before. I will look in my files I usually save beneficial articles from online but until then, I am pretty sure this was the advice and lecture posted, so here is the updated link: http://salaf-us-saalih.com/2012/03/13/beware-of-your-childrens-friends-umar-quinn-audioenglish/

Read Full Post »

This is just a quick update that a favorite writer of mine Lisa Russell, has moved her site. Apparently, twice :p

You will recall her from the article I so blatantly¬†stole (er…borrowed?) about the dreaded home school, unschooling¬†topic…drum roll please….”Socialized” To be more accurate, the post was titled, “EVERYONE MUST READ THIS” caps¬†mine, and went on to HER title, “No thank you we don’t believe in Socialization” which to be honest, i¬†got off the¬†San Antonio homeschool¬†website that i have located somewhere.¬†One of the funniest things Lisa ever said was something like, “as if only a dot stood between me and organized…ugg¬†im getting that wrong. Lisa, please correct me if you will…¬† ūüėĬ† ¬†i’ve¬†had three hours of sleep and carschooled all day so please oblige meee…lol

*that reminds me, GOSH I WISH I”D been able to attend the unschooling¬†conference, ugg that burned me!* I wanted to have a henna booth for the parents and facepaint¬†the kids! and meet cool people from all over the US like me…i meant ppl like me, not cool (embarrassed)

ANYWAY, she was here: http://mrshannigan.wordpress.com/¬†¬† then she went here: http://www.lisarussell.org/blog and¬† http://lisarussell.org /¬†¬† finally (though not promised ūüôā and the road is paved and long, ¬†excuse the pun} she arrived …yaayyy here : http://www.gypsymom.com/¬† Join her for her family’s new voyage unschooling, writing, learning all the time (our motto) having fun, being together and loving…in a small RV…driving cross country to the …unknown..whooooo. lol. Seriously. Go view it i¬†swear you won’t regret it. She is funky, fun, insightful, disorganized (like me) and …has the¬†most wonderful outlook, maa¬†shaa¬†Allah. I love her new post already about¬†El Paso, Texas. Awesome. Really, i¬†can’t think of another word besides that: awesome. Al hamdulilah. I have quoted her more times than I can count on my fb. (Shhh…it’s a secret)

If we all applied the Golden rule there would be no problems¬†on this earth¬†wa Allahu¬†Alim. Similar is¬†the Prophet Muhammad’s saying, “None of you is a believer until he wants for¬†his brother what he wants for himself” ¬†

The media and common (sorry) ignorant folk would have you believe Muslims are not tolerant that is NOT the case. I could go on and on but it’s midnight. Please a sis post daleel¬†(evidence) for what i¬†am saying I will inshAllah come back to this and edit the evidence.

Here it is again, to avoid confusion: www.gypsymom.com¬†I listed the sites above not just my wacky humor ( i been called crazy, zany, hippy and gypsy in my life)and hyper…

but as well because there is still much benefit in her old sites. However make sure you visit her newest site first, it rocks!

First five sisters to check out her site get a free massage¬†with aromatherapy¬†with my signature Enlightened Touch products! Don’t worry if you live in SA the offer is still valid, i¬†am traveling there soon inshAllah, massage table in tow!

http://www.freewebs.com/massageandmendime/

Check out http://www.care2.com/¬† Largest site about living natural, newest discoveries in health and fitness, creating change, signing petitions and for animal lovers! And awesome site with the best weekly newsletter I’ve ever seen!

Also www.healthymuslim.com

Well, i guess thats it, shew! Did i spell that right? night! (Yes, sometimes i think in rhyme)

Wanna see my poetry? It’s under my notes.¬†Add me here: http://facebook.com/leslie.eisenman

And my fb business page is much more up to date with health and helpful links for the Muslimah¬†or anyone, maa¬†shaAllah¬†really…it also will have recent pictures of the massage room in my home. For those of you who don’t know, I am a licensed massage therapist. I also have a group one health and life insurance license in the state of Texas i¬†passed the test when I was 19 al hamdulilah. The youngest one in the history of West Telemarketing. Don’t even get me started on¬†that company!¬†Everyone in San Antonio knows that! http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Heaven-and-Earth-Bodywork/173365312449?sk=info¬†I went to ACC in Austin, Texas where I completed Medical Assisting.¬†¬†Two¬†years later my dream was realized when I graduated St. Phillip’s college in San Antonio. I received my certificate in Massage Therapy and passed the state of Texas exam shortly thereafter. On the first¬†try.¬†With flying colors. Did i mention I passed on the first try? lol¬†¬†¬†I love shiatsu, aromatherapy¬†and am experienced in many other modalities, check out my website the freewebs one describes services and my mission for women of the world!

G’night¬†facebook! oops i¬†meant ..err¬† wordpressers?

ūüėÄ

Assalamou alaikom wa rahmatullah thanks so much for your kindness and visiting my site . JazakAllah khair.

*DOES  N*E*body know how to get wordpress to stop underlining homeschooling and unschooling? I like spelling it that way.

Read Full Post »

It’s been too long and i¬†am sorry for that. My only excuse is i¬†have been living¬†life subhanAllah and since the end of Ramadan life has just been happening¬†to me but now i am determined to take it by the horns, so to speak lol.

I think this “downer” period for lack of sleep and i¬†can’t think of another more suitable word, after the renewal and revival of Ramadan, is common. There are many articles, lectures and videos about it inshAllah¬†I will add them soon i¬†finally found this short list I saved¬†in my computer that I have wanted¬†to post for a while.

When I write or copy anything i¬†usually cite the author, blog, website or other source but there is no record of where it came from, I’m sorry. If anyone knows where i¬†got the list¬†below from online please let me know so i¬†can give proper credit.¬†I do remember I found it online not from a book I own or I have read.

In general it is important to cite references not just to verify where you got your information from so it can be checked but it is of utmost importance to be careful who and where you take your information and knowledge from! The most beautiful of speech or valid argument appealing to your common sense may sound good but in fact, be wrong! Just because it sounds good does not mean it is correct and does not mean it will not influence you negatively leading you to other than the siraatul mustaqeem, the straight path.

In saying this, i¬†know I have sites on here as links and resources but of course they are not all run by Muslims, some have advertisements perhaps irrelevant, innapropriate¬†or having¬†other issues. We don’t take our Aqeedah¬†from such places but as parents and adults we can get many ideas and tips however everything should be weighed against and compared to the sunnah because the sunnah is superior and complete. It actually answers everything from sex ed to parenting to even psychology but the athaar¬†and hadeeth are vast¬†with limited books of ilm translated into English.

This short list is by Imam al Ghazaali¬†who perhaps many have heard of but don’t know all of his biography. I present this here because of its fine¬†advise¬†but as well inspired by his lifelong learning but particularly¬†his end. To¬†learned scholars and in certain circles the truth of his Aqeedah¬†and other issues was known however before he died, may Allah be pleased with him, he wrote more and rectified matters although it is a shame these final publications by him are not circulated as much as his earlier works.

Imam Al-Ghazaali drew up this list of the aims of an Islamic education.

1- To teach them the Qur’an, the biography of the Prophets and Messengers and Shari’ ah.

2- To teach them to obey their parents and respect their teachers and their elders.

3- To keep them away from bad company because behaviour and manners are transferred by imitation.

4- To praise and reward them publicly if they perform a good deed. However, if they commit an evil deed, they should be reprimanded in private, and not scolded publicly, especially, in front of their friends. They should also be used to modesty.

5- To get them used to endurance and patience.

6- To get them used to a rough life and not a life of ease and comfort.

7- To be prevented from insulting, swearing and idle talk.

8- To be warned against wrongdoing and sins, such as theft, disloyalty, obscene language and unlawful earnings.

9- To be allowed to practice some physical education, but only after completing Islamic duties and education.

10-To fully care for and educate children from birth, as their souls are still pure and fresh, because everything that is taught to a child is engraved in his mind, be it good or bad.

I ask Allah to grant us righteous offspring.

SubhannAllah what a reminder this has been for me and the reminder is for the believers.

 

Read Full Post »

When a person dies, his actions are terminated¬†except for three; a recurring charity or knowledge that he leaves which is benefited from or a pious offspring who supplicates for him“(sahih Muslim #1631)

I have been real busy because of Eid¬†and the holidays and as well trying to keep a very active boy busy and out of trouble ūüôā but al hamdulilah¬†I have started homeschooling my older daughter, age 9 again and well learning with, advising and guiding children never ends and although my son wasn’t technically school age, he takes just as much (of my) time as his sister! Plus, i have a teenager now,(yay)¬†So i¬†have been busy and although in a really good article on what could¬†be killing your blog, you should never say, ”¬†it’s been a long time” I feel I must apologize and say that inshaAllah¬†i¬†will be posting more often and relevant, beneficial information for homeschooling and teaching our children, God willing! On that note, here is a handwritten list I copied here word for word,¬†that fell off my fridgerator¬†today i deemed so important ended up in storage for a month and in the new place, back on the fridge!

8 Principles of  Attachment Parenting :

1. Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting

2. Feed with love and respect

3. Respond with sensitivity

4. Use nurturing touch

5. Engage in nightime parenting (co-sleeping)

6. Provide consistant and loving care

7. Practice positive discipline

8. Strive for balance in personal and family life

 Tarbiyyah,    tazkiyyah,    aklaq,     adaab,    taqwa!

First of all, these are not MY personal ideas i¬†condensed them from somewhere online I think. I tried to see if I could find the source because I thought I remembered it and i¬†wanted to site the source but their list is not identical to mine but here is the site www.attachmentparenting.org¬†and you may click on the right which should lead you to the eight principles.¬†Also, i¬†may have gotten it from a father’s blog that i subscribed to http://www.apparenting.com/¬†The sites I list I use and may be helpful but please keep in mind I don’t agree with everything they write and I am not responsible for what they say. Thanks!

Second, many of these¬†parenting principles can not only be found in Islam but we have specific hadeeth¬†from the sunnah of¬†Prophet Muhammad, (pbuh)¬†mercy and messenger to mankind, ¬†that by his example or speech, embody these ideals within our actions, treatment of others and parenting. I hope to look some of these hadeeth¬†up and list them here soon inshaAllah. Any of you are welcome to help me out in the comments section ūüôā¬† May Allah guide us all, grant us patience, purify our intentions and reward us for seeking knowledge¬†of how to better raise our children as contributions to society and teaching them to know Him for success in this life and the next. And to Allah (alone) is all praise.

“And I (Allah) created not the jinns and men except they should worship me (Alone).”¬†¬†[Al Quran chapter 51 verse 56]

ūüôā Peace and blessings to the rightly guided and may Allah guide those seeking the Truth.

My brothers and sisters and¬†all visitors, COEXIST and practice TOLERANCE!…..please!¬†¬†¬† Allah did not create us in nations and tribes but to know one another. (Al Quran)

Read Full Post »

Yesterday my son recently turned four, and he was sitting on the couch. I came to him, imploring him to change his shirt-knowing it would take a lot of convincing since he was wearing his Spiderman shirt. I swore to myself since I was a child I would not bring up my daughters to love pink and play with barbies and my sons to play with guns or love trucks and sports. Well thats the way they turned out! Allah is the controller of our affairs. NOt to say ALL children end up like mine but I digress. So I try to be upbeat as I come to him because we need to leave and I want him to change his pants and he didn’t want to and as we were both struggling to switch his pants as he was halfway laying/slouched on the couch, he stops, looks me right in the eye and says, “Are you SURE about this?” I just about died he sounded so grown up. I KNOW i have never said that around him……That reminds me of how important it is the way we speak to our children. I do believe in a child not being disrespecful of all adults and towards his/her parents and family- i loathe to use the word obediant, but I believe in it (mine DO get choices and have a say) BUT if we order our kids around instead of just being FIRM they will copy¬†us. To illustrate this fact, the other day i responded to something my son asked my daughter and he goes, “MAMA. I was talking to Sakina not you.” I sucked my breath in a turned around to face him. Then I stopped. Whose fault was THAT one? I told him don’t ever say that to an adult (or me or parent i cant remember) that it is disrespecful and not appropriatte. And then i said to myself I NEED TO WATCH HOW I SPEAK TO THEM! This also reminds me of why children usually behave so well for grandparents which was talked about by the nanny of L. Ron Hubbard. No I am not a Scientologist at all. I will post about that later. But in parenting i agree with a lot of their ideas. In fact not only do they largely agree with psychology and emotional/physical health in children in raising them, a lot of their idea agree with Islam. More on that later. People treat their kids like dogs or like they are a different species. Common, everyday parenting applied to another adult would result in jailtime. I have to pray I will write more later inshaAllah.

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: